She was a girl who was not loved right, nothing hurt her worse than having to live with that. It destroyed her to live this way. She used to have a heart full of love and passion, she was so desperate to help others and give them happiness she did not have enough to give herself. She thought that if she broke loudly maybe someone would come save me. But instead of interpreting her scream as cries of help she was told to be silent. Shamed of not knowing how to dig herself from under all her pain.
She hates how she is a teenager. Too young to be in love, but too little to like someone. She does not want to be taken out to parties or make out in some bathroom, or hook-up in a car. She just wants to write letters, she wants to pour her soul out in ink, explain her love with simple words, seal each letter with a kiss and wait for a letter in return.
She never quite understood the first time she saw you why you were so special. She did not understand why you were different and stood out from the rest. Everything about you is magical. A type of love she could not feel for anyone else. Even on her worst days you never left her side.
He said to me “someday we will dance around out kitchen with nothing but streetlights pouring in from the gap in the blinds to illuminate out shadows. Even as we grow old, we will not look out spark that keeps us desperate to explore every part of this world. You are my feeling of home. I do not care if people call us fools or say were too young to know what forever means. I will not grow tired of kissing your lips, but instead I will grow to miss them each time there not there. You are a gift. You are my love, and I will promise you there is nobody quite like you in this world and we will spend forever together.”
He did not think about the times where they spent all night over the phone sharing their happiness, also her sorrows. He did not think about the time they enjoyed, the time he road her off into the sunset on his motorbike, not caring about time or the world. He did not think about all the promises he made never to leave her whilst holding her close. He did not think about how much she loved him and how much he meant to her. I fell apart when he asked for a breakup. He left me alone.
She did not get why people fall in love. If they know how it might end eventually, why do they take the risk? Why do they put themselves in the position to break their own heart? Is love all that sweet? When you look into their eyes do it make all the pain ends? She knew it does feel good to know someone is there for you but in the end do you think any of it was worth it? Is love even worth it?
At the end of the day, she finds herself alone. It is not physical loneliness. It is not something that can be fixed by the touch of a lover’s hand or a false like made up of people that adore her. After all, how can anybody notice she is not truly there? She surrounded herself with people who do not care, those who told her she was not good enough. She abandoned herself for a society that does not understand how to accept her. She is alone because she does not have anyone, she does not even have herself.