It’s a cold, windy and dark day. The clouds are grey and a storm is on its way. There is no sun. And all there is surrounding you, the waves. The crashing depths of these waves. Everything is at its darkest moments including you. Your feet, over the edge of the cliff .You’re heart, Beating a thousand times. It’s starting to slowly rain. You can smell the sea water. There’s no one around, you look down at the waves, the deathly waves. And take a deep breath, everything slows down. As the tears ease off your cold dark face. Drop by drop and tear by tear into the ocean of despair you have lost all hope. The ocean looks like an opportunity, your hope. You shuffle towards the very edge. The wind. It’s so easy for it to push you. The ground is crumbling underneath your feet. You take that step, that one step. And it’s over. You’re falling, like an angel being taken away. You hit the water. You don’t care about the temperature of the water. As you’re sinking you see the waves crashing above you and you slowly close your eyes for the very last time. You struggle to breath and you know it’s all over. It’s over, you’re gone.
Lilli Lingman 2013
Depths of the Ocean
Chapter 13: Cherry valance
“I wish I looked more like Paul Newman” but, than I if I looked like him. The famous Paul. I could have had a chance with cherry. And Johnny would not be dead and none of this could have happened.
I thought and stopped, I put down the assignment and I knew that the next thing I would do is go and talk to cherry, although. Her parents have been over protective lately, and I have not seen her for the past week. Maybe her parents are going to home-school her. And she has also been a little shaken up after, the death.
Whenever I hear her name, my heart misses a beat. And I have not mentioned this to anyone as, when you have a love.it does not make u look tough, but more of a woose. A “lovey dovey” and being in love with a soc, is the worst thing possible. Because socs have their girls and us greasers have the girls that live on the Westside.
So, I went to go to bed and just over thinking everything. And just wishing everything was erased from “that night”. “That night”, “that night”……..I was whispering into mid-air and looking for a way out, out of this life and a way to talk to cherry.
As I was thinking, I had realized. I still have cherries scrunched up number, she had given to me. When we were at the drive in’s and to call if I ever needed anything. Well, this time. I did need something and although it was late. my wish Was to tell her my undying love.
So I went to call her, and I thought “no” I can’t do it “no”. But I kept my chin high and I rang that number. There was a voice, “hello?” “Is there anyone there?” in her dry wispy throat kind of way, she sounded tired. I knew it was cherry. Her attitude.
“ummm” I said, I didn’t know what to say “is this another prank call? because if it is. I am sick and tired of your amusement .my boyfriend died and everything is just going not going to plan. And to make matters worse, I am sick” she didn’t sound very happy, and not very well. This must make sense. Why she has not been at school, and why she has been not in a good mood. I took a deep breath “its pony boy, Curtis”.
“ponyboy? is that really you…?” she said in surprised way. “yeh” I didn’t know what to say, no. this is your boyfriend back from the dead? So as I went on. Cherry, I have to tell you something…. “wait, don’t say a thing, I’ll meet you at the parking lot”. “sure thing”, not being able to finish my sentence. She hung up the phone. I knew this has to be something good. Although, I have never really been anywhere near the parking lot. I can still remember Johnny crying his eyes out about his mother and father. But now, he does not have to worry. He’s in a better place, surely everyone would agree. Living on the Westside, is a hard life. Not much money and it’s just complicated.
so I went to go and meet cherry at the parking lot. And then I spotted her, with her luscious blazing red silky hair, blazing brown hazelnut eyes which carry a thousand souls in them and a mid-length dress. I never would have thought to ever see her in a dress. She came and approached me. My heart stopped for a few seconds she approached me, she looked up, and gave me a smile.
Chapter 14: when love hurts
But then. Her smile, it faded away with a million tears. She dropped to the ground crying her eyes out. Like no one was there, like everything wasn’t going good. I had to do something, I tough girl like her crying her eyes out, means something is not going well. I went and sat next to her and put my arm over her shoulders and gave her a hug. As if I am the only one that, will understand. She looked up at me and wiped her tears from her face, “thank-you pony boy. I needed that hug.” She snuffled and went out of my arms, she than said “come with me pony boy”.
I hope sodapop and darry don’t realize I am gone; they have been nursing me back to health. As if I am a baby, I believe I can go on my own without them following me. I know where they are coming from, because ever since, everything. They think I cannot be trusted. But I followed her anyways. “hey ponyboy, come and have a look at this”. I followed her to the top of a little hill, with nothing but a park bench. ”you know cherry, its 12:30am, aren’t your folks gonna miss you?” “oh well, my mum is going crazy about me, like I am a china doll, and I just want some time alone. What about sodapop and darry?”
Well, yeh. But I needed to talk to you. I went and slipped myself next to her on the park bench, cherry, I know you must be heartbroken about bob, but for a while now. I have kind of….” “Don’t say anymore ponybody, look. I like you as a friend and I invited you out here. So I can see you one last time. And I hope you understand, but I am leaving. My mum has taken me out of school and we are leaving tomorrow morning”. I didn’t know what to say. She was leaving, my only love was leaving and she didn’t even feel the same way. “well, aright “as I went to leave, she grabbed my wrist and told me to sit down. She is so lucky, she is so gorgeous. I never get told what to do, but for her I made an exception.
She said “look” her smile rose and she looked happy again. I don’t know why she was crying but, I better not ask. I don’t want to ruin the moment.
Welcome to your worst nightmare
Welcome to your worst nightmare. Where the dreams and imagination of mine live. The place where the demons are awakened and the souls of the dead are reliving. Where the zombie apocalypse is beginning and where the deathly shadows follow you in the distance. Where you are being caved in and it’s always stormy. The weather is always crazy and the imagination is always insane. The lurking of creatures. And the agony of your heart is throbbing as you look at the depths of the ocean. The crashing waves breaking the shore. The fading lights of the night. And the sounds are of people screaming for help and others laughing in the distance. Where are you? You’re in my mind.
It’s where the blue planetary monkey lives and where he lurks. His mission is to escape. He is lost in the forest and he is translated as nothing but a blur. He is creating the madness and reliving the imagination. Although, he’s not all bad. He talks to me. And gives me good ideas, I shouldn’t listen to him. But I do. Scheming plans and thinking of the solutions. The lies and the innocence. He is my minion and my helper. He shines a light like the dusk of a sun in the distance, of a foggy morning. He eats off imagination and other peoples sorrow. He walks like a slender and looks like a figure of your imagination, because he is. And you can never see him. But he’s there.
He sets sail to find the shore, he explores the highest mountains and faces the deathly nights.at night, the animals come and play and the creatures come alive. And the world gets turned upside down. Because, when the cats away the mice shall play.
His name, blue planetary monkey. And he is another version of me. He lives in my doom and loves my mind. He’s not like other peoples demons. Or angels, because he is part of me. He is unique and has a heart at solid as a stone and a life as whacky as my style. We live as one and breathe as one. Because, he is in my mind creating my madness.
Everyone has a demon, but others have angels. The good demons and the ones that is as bright as the sun and as calm, as the ocean at sunset. But mine. He’s not like that. He is evil and lives life like it’s a rollercoaster. He plays games with me and helps with my work. He is part of me, and I am part of him. Together we form an alliance and protect each other. Although we don’t get along most of the time. But, when we bind our ideas together we create something called insanity. A world where the lives of the current population cannot live in. the place where only the madness of it all will stay. It’s where the treasure of the pirate lives and the heart of the lion loves. Only the brave can conquer and the wits of a soldier. Because, there will be missiles and there will be danger. But, there’s always an ending to it all. The mission is to find it.
As this is. My mind. And my demon, so look inside yourself to find one. It’s not hard but, it will be a challenge.