Once, around 1200 AD, there was a giant named Gredlik. He loved the environment. He cared so much about animals that he would jump off a cliff to save a star nosed mole. He knew humans were the problem. All their littering and huge factories from which the smoke kills the air and the waste poisons the water and life itself.
He cared so much he created a sanctuary up in the clouds so he and endangered species that lived up there would be safe. He’s been trying to breed back endangered animals and plants such as the fire pooping warthogs, the ice spitting eagles, lava drinking platypi, ink vomiting echidnas, bone eating roses, maggot sneezing pythons and gold laying geese. But one day one human crawled up the beanstalk that connects the clouds to Earth. The human slaughtered all the creatures and used them for nothing but hand bags, lab experiments and medical purposes, thus wiping out all those endangered species.
Except for one. One gold laying goose was left. Humans kept coming back to try to steal the goose, but they never could. The goose would always see them coming and shriek for help. When the giant came he would chase them out the door, for he knew that if a goose is scared enough, it can literally be scared to death.
One day Gredlik was watering his hover-carrots, when he heard a sudden smack. He put down the watering can and he looked over the side of the clouds. A lady was standing with her son and she was yelling incredibly loud. So loud in fact that Gredlik thought it would make the clouds rain down to earth. She was screaming at a cow, apparently because it hadn’t given any milk. Then Gredlik saw the source of the sound; the mum had a whip in her hand and there was a large bruise on the cow’s back. This caused the giants anger to boil up inside him.
The next day the boy, Jack, took the cow to a market to sell her. On the way he met a huge man that towered way above any of the trees around. The man was dressed in a long cloak, pants and hood, which obscured his face in shadow. He said “Here, take these beans. They are magical and will grow into a huge beanstalk when planted. Jack took them gratefully and handed him the cow in return.
He arrived home happily and walked across the lawn of fake grass. His mum said excitedly “What did you get for her?”
“Five magic beans” Jack said. He pulled them out and showed them to his mum.
“Beans!” she screamed. “You got beans?” She grabbed them and through them out the window. “What are we going to live on? Now we have no money and no milk! ”So she sent Jack to his room without dinner.
The next morning he woke to an unfamiliar sight. A huge beanstalk had crawled in through the window and had tangled all around his bed. He crawled out the tiny crack in the window and climbed up the beanstalk, his curiosity getting the better of him.
Gredlik was just about to eat his veggie burgher with home grown veggies and homemade bread, when there was a big crash. He got up to see what it was and he saw an amazing sight. A huge beanstalk had grown up and had crashed into the front door of his house. He knew straight away it was Jack, because he was the man sold the beans to him, so he could take the cow to a better home.
He walked towards the front door getting ready to scare the life out of Jack, as payback for all the things he’s done to the poor cow. He grabbed a girls costume and dressed up into a very convincing female.
Jack walked in the door and was almost stepped on by Gredlik. The giant pretended to be sorry and offered him a sandwich. Then the giant turned and said into a can “Fe Fi Fo Fum! I smell the blood of an English man. Be he alive or be he dead, I will grind his bones to make my bread.” The sound waves travelled through the wire and into another can with a large funnel in the end, projecting the voice through the whole house.
Jack got scared and hid in the oven. Gredlik ate his dinner, counting a bag of coins. When he finished he pretended to go to sleep, leaving the gold as a trap for Jack. Unfortunately, he actually fell asleep and Jack took all the money himself and ran. When he got to the top of the beanstalk, he through the stack of gold down and climbed back down to his house. His mother was so excited that she made Jack promise that he would go back up to the house in the clouds.
So the next day after breakfast of Nutrigrain, Pringles, Maggi Noodles and a lot of other unethical Nestle products, he climbed back up and met Gredlik’s ‘sister’ as she was planting potatoes. She (who was of course Gredlik in costume) said to Jack “Hello again, would you like another bite to eat?” Jack nodded and the disguised giant trotted off to the kitchen to get a plate of chips.
On his way to the kitchen Gredlik secretly spoke into another can. A deep voice echoed through the hall. “Fe Fi Fo Fum! I smell the blood of an English man. Be he alive or be he dead, I will grind his bones to make my bread.”
Again Jack was terrified. He ran and hid in the oven. Gredlik quickly got back into his normal clothes and sat at the table eating his homemade pizza. On his left a great Golden Harp. Its frame was a shiny as the sun itself and each string made a beautiful noise on its own. Gredlik simply said “Play,” and it let out the most beautiful music imaginable. Jack just had to have that harp. The Gredlik, rather foolishly, commanded the harp to play a soft sleepy song, so Jack would fall asleep and he could finally catch him. But the oven was sound proof, and Gredlik fell asleep, instead.
Jack forced open the oven door and slipped onto the floor silently. He told the harp to stop playing and the music faded away. He grabbed the harp and climbed carefully down the still growing beanstalk.
Gredlik was horrified at the greediness of this boy and his mother. He thought to himself “Surely, he would not dare to come again.” But he was wrong, for as the next sun rose Jack woke up and climbed straight to the top of the beanstalk. This time he did not bother going through the kitchen. He knew he would be caught by the giant that way, so he went to the dining room, where Gredlik was sitting eating a plate of organic pancakes. Jack was making his way to the cupboard where he discovered the giant keeps all his gold, when he stepped on a creaky floorboard. Gredlik jumped to his feet, smiling broadly. iiiiiii“I knew that floorboard would come in handy one day.” With that he ran towards the source of the sound but Jack was already at the back door. Gredlik looked everywhere in the house, but Jack remained outside.
While the giant wasn’t looking, Jack sneaked inside but he was followed by the Gold Laying Goose which had got out of its cage. The giant saw the goose but not the boy. So he calmly said “Lay.”
Amazingly the goose laid an egg on command and it was made of solid gold. Gredlik picked up the egg and held it high in the air. “Come and get it, little boy.” He said waving the egg around.
Jack, who was much smarter than ran straight for the goose instead. He clutched it in his arms and sprinted for the door. The giant was not far behind. Jack got to the front door, but found it blocked by the vines from the beanstalk. He jumped out the window using the goose as a shield from the falling shards of glass. Gredlik couldn’t bear to let the goose go through any more pain. So he ran straight through the wall, charging after the evil boy. Jack was a quarter of the way down when Gredlik reached the beanstalk. It was now a race for the goose. But the giant did not want to harm to the Gold Layer so he grabbed the edge of the clouds with his left hand to stop himself, for his momentum would have surely squashed the goose and any other animals that may have been below. Jack took one last leap for his house and landed in the front yard. He grabbed an axe and chopped at the beanstalk. Gredlik was just about to get the poor goose back to its safe home when Jack’s last stroke took the beanstalk and the giant to the ground.
And thereafter endangered species would never safe from the terrible selfishness of the humans again.