Eliza Stone 2013

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I have to apologise, I just got out of intensive care with third degree burns thanks to those lovely children, by the names of Hansel and Gretel. I’m sorry, where are my manners? My name is Ms, Bewitched, but you would most likely know me by the name of ‘The Evil Witch!’ from the well known fairy tale, Hansel and Gretel. The tale about Hansel and Gretel you all know is, how do i say, is totally incorrect! I’m sorry according to the doctor I mustn’t raise my voice for the safety of you readers. Anyhow I want you to hear my side of the story, the real side.

 

It was October 31st, Halloween, and you know us witches, we go over the top for Halloween and therefore I decorated my little cottage so it was totally made of candy. The usual, gumdrop doorhandles, shortbread walls Et cetera. Anyway tricker treaters came and left and I was in my kitchen making children stew. Stop! Don’t run away , it’s not what you think It’s not real children, i’m not a cannibal! I choose the alternative choice, cows liver, yum! Never less, lets continue, I heard a large snap outside and my first thought was that the witch next door was making another round of snapping turtle stew, when i realised that she had been melted a few hours earlier when she didn’t give any candy to a child, thats father worked at a high pressure hose company and just happened to bring one tricker treating. How unlucky! So, anyway, I opened my door and spotted two fat children gnawing at my icing window sills. How rude! What was I meant to do let them continue eating my house and die after being brutally squished to death by pastry? So I invited the two children inside and gave theme both food. The little girl, by the name of Gretel gave her food to her brother to eat because she stuffed herself with icing and gingerbread. I felt sorry for the little boy, Hansel, for he was shivering all over, after apparently wandering off with his sister on a picnic with the family. I unfortunately didn’t have a bath so I retrieved my cauldron from under the sink and boiled it not to hot and not to cold for Hansel to sit in and warm up. Hansel uncomplainingly jumped into the cauldron and warmed himself up. I told the children that I would find more candy to satisfy their hunger. When I got back all I remember was being brutally hit in the head with fry pan and getting dragged into the oven and locked in to fry to my death, talk about painful!Luckily the father of the idiotic children found me in time before I became shrivelled piece of plastic, and took me to the hospital where I was in a coma for two weeks. In that time those devil children made up a stupid story based upon what really happened and who would favourite an old ugly lady with warts like myself over two cute kids huh? Apparently I forced them inside, caged up Hansel and made his sister Gretel feed him to fatten him up for my eating. Even if I was to eat him he would already be fat enough! Then i apparently told Gretel to light the wood under the oven. Apparently a quest to protect herself and her brother she ask me to light it then pushed me inside and lit it running off to their father.

 

So here I am now sitting in the North Fairyland Institute for the mentally unstable, counting the days until I can go home, hoping that those rotten children are at least receiving somewhat of a punishment for this horror they’ve put me through. Oh well, only four years, seven months, and eighteen more days to go.

I have to apologise, I just got out of intensive care with third degree burns thanks to those lovely children, by the names of Hansel and Gretel. I’m sorry, where are my manners? My name is Ms, Bewitched, but you would most likely know me by the name of ‘The Evil Witch!’ from the well known fairy tale, Hansel and Gretel. The tale about Hansel and Gretel you all know is, how do i say, is totally incorrect! I’m sorry according to the doctor I mustn’t raise my voice for the safety of you readers. Anyhow I want you to hear my side of the story, the real side.

 

It was October 31st, Halloween, and you know us witches, we go over the top for Halloween and therefore I decorated my little cottage so it was totally made of candy. The usual, gumdrop doorhandles, shortbread walls Et cetera. Anyway tricker treaters came and left and I was in my kitchen making children stew. Stop! Don’t run away , it’s not what you think It’s not real children, i’m not a cannibal! I choose the alternative choice, cows liver, yum! Never less, lets continue, I heard a large snap outside and my first thought was that the witch next door was making another round of snapping turtle stew, when i realised that she had been melted a few hours earlier when she didn’t give any candy to a child, thats father worked at a high pressure hose company and just happened to bring one tricker treating. How unlucky! So, anyway, I opened my door and spotted two fat children gnawing at my icing window sills. How rude! What was I meant to do let them continue eating my house and die after being brutally squished to death by pastry? So I invited the two children inside and gave theme both food. The little girl, by the name of Gretel gave her food to her brother to eat because she stuffed herself with icing and gingerbread. I felt sorry for the little boy, Hansel, for he was shivering all over, after apparently wandering off with his sister on a picnic with the family. I unfortunately didn’t have a bath so I retrieved my cauldron from under the sink and boiled it not to hot and not to cold for Hansel to sit in and warm up. Hansel uncomplainingly jumped into the cauldron and warmed himself up. I told the children that I would find more candy to satisfy their hunger. When I got back all I remember was being brutally hit in the head with fry pan and getting dragged into the oven and locked in to fry to my death, talk about painful!Luckily the father of the idiotic children found me in time before I became shrivelled piece of plastic, and took me to the hospital where I was in a coma for two weeks. In that time those devil children made up a stupid story based upon what really happened and who would favourite an old ugly lady with warts like myself over two cute kids huh? Apparently I forced them inside, caged up Hansel and made his sister Gretel feed him to fatten him up for my eating. Even if I was to eat him he would already be fat enough! Then i apparently told Gretel to light the wood under the oven. Apparently a quest to protect herself and her brother she ask me to light it then pushed me inside and lit it running off to their father.

 

So here I am now sitting in the North Fairyland Institute for the mentally unstable, counting the days until I can go home, hoping that those rotten children are at least receiving somewhat of a punishment for this horror they’ve put me through. Oh well, only four years, seven months, and eighteen more days to go.

I have to apologise, I just got out of intensive care with third degree burns thanks to those lovely children, by the names of Hansel and Gretel. I’m sorry, where are my manners? My name is Ms, Bewitched, but you would most likely know me by the name of ‘The Evil Witch!’ from the well known fairy tale, Hansel and Gretel. The tale about Hansel and Gretel you all know is, how do i say, is totally incorrect! I’m sorry according to the doctor I mustn’t raise my voice for the safety of you readers. Anyhow I want you to hear my side of the story, the real side.

 

It was October 31st, Halloween, and you know us witches, we go over the top for Halloween and therefore I decorated my little cottage so it was totally made of candy. The usual, gumdrop doorhandles, shortbread walls Et cetera. Anyway tricker treaters came and left and I was in my kitchen making children stew. Stop! Don’t run away , it’s not what you think It’s not real children, i’m not a cannibal! I choose the alternative choice, cows liver, yum! Never less, lets continue, I heard a large snap outside and my first thought was that the witch next door was making another round of snapping turtle stew, when i realised that she had been melted a few hours earlier when she didn’t give any candy to a child, thats father worked at a high pressure hose company and just happened to bring one tricker treating. How unlucky! So, anyway, I opened my door and spotted two fat children gnawing at my icing window sills. How rude! What was I meant to do let them continue eating my house and die after being brutally squished to death by pastry? So I invited the two children inside and gave theme both food. The little girl, by the name of Gretel gave her food to her brother to eat because she stuffed herself with icing and gingerbread. I felt sorry for the little boy, Hansel, for he was shivering all over, after apparently wandering off with his sister on a picnic with the family. I unfortunately didn’t have a bath so I retrieved my cauldron from under the sink and boiled it not to hot and not to cold for Hansel to sit in and warm up. Hansel uncomplainingly jumped into the cauldron and warmed himself up. I told the children that I would find more candy to satisfy their hunger. When I got back all I remember was being brutally hit in the head with fry pan and getting dragged into the oven and locked in to fry to my death, talk about painful!Luckily the father of the idiotic children found me in time before I became shrivelled piece of plastic, and took me to the hospital where I was in a coma for two weeks. In that time those devil children made up a stupid story based upon what really happened and who would favourite an old ugly lady with warts like myself over two cute kids huh? Apparently I forced them inside, caged up Hansel and made his sister Gretel feed him to fatten him up for my eating. Even if I was to eat him he would already be fat enough! Then i apparently told Gretel to light the wood under the oven. Apparently a quest to protect herself and her brother she ask me to light it then pushed me inside and lit it running off to their father.

 

So here I am now sitting in the North Fairyland Institute for the mentally unstable, counting the days until I can go home, hoping that those rotten children are at least receiving somewhat of a punishment for this horror they’ve put me through. Oh well, only four years, seven months, and eighteen more days to go.