Break Even

Orphan

The Beach

The Girl In The Pink Costume

The Other Kids

What Was It Like

Sometimes it’s hard to put emotions into words. Sometimes you just can’t find the right words to tell someone how you’re feeling. But all I know, is that I want to be with you. In rain, in snow or in heat. You make me feel wanted and you make me feel safe. It doesn’t matter where we are or who we are with. I smile more. I laugh more. There’s just something about you, just something that makes me want to stay tucked into your arms forever. Maybe one day, my dreams will turn into reality.

When Dreams become Reality

Casey Todd 2015

What am I meant to do, when the best part of me was always you? What am I expected to say when I’m sitting over here dying, and your okay? You name haunts my head and I see you when I lay down to go to bed. You are everywhere I go, the only thing I see. While you’re smiling, I’m crying. Crying in pain, in agony, in need of help. I’m not meant to miss you, not meant to feel all the pain. It’s not as easy as they say, it’s so hard to just ‘move on.’ I would do anything to remember the taste of your lips, the softness of your fingertips. I need to hold you; I was made to keep you warm. Because when a heart breaks, it never breaks even.

She sits alone, away from all the other kids. She doesn’t get along with anyone very well, doesn’t have many friends in this place. She draws; draws beautiful pictures of a family. When the kids go outside to play, she sits inside and reads. Reads books about brothers and sisters, she reads about what it feels like to sit down at the dinner table with your family. The warm fuzzy feeling you get when you’re cuddled around the fire place. She reads about holidays; traveling. She dreams. Every night, she dreams of the same thing. Having a real family, someone that accepts her for who she is. A mother and a father that will pick her up when she’s sad, shelter her and give her unconditional love. She sits waiting, ever so patiently. Just waiting for someone who will actually want her. ‘One day’ she whispers to herself. One day they will walk through those doors…

As my feet sink into the soft sand, they are slightly touched by the seawater as it raises slowly up the beach. The sun is waking up; the world is slowly coming back into reality. I walk, pressing my feet into the moist sand; making deep footprints. Sometimes running, sometimes spinning and sometimes walking, I make my way up the long stretch of beach. Making sure that I take in the beauty. I take a breath and let the sea air take me into a trance. The suns yellow ray makes the water look pink and calm. Everything is perfect. Everything is still and calm.

Then suddenly, shivers run up my spine as dark clouds slowly roll in. Waves start to crash onto each other and the wind makes the sand fly around violently. My hair blows uncontrollably and my clothes are no longer providing any warmth.

Although the yellow sun, the pink sea and the soft sand are no longer there, I will never forget the moment when everything just seemed, perfect?

She slowly walks on stage. Her costume is perfect, just what she wanted. It was pink and had purple sequins lining the waist. Her smile melts the audience’s hearts already. The music starts and she moves slowly to the rhythm, telling a story with the twists and swirls. Her moves are agile but sharp. Everyone watching this is feeling the same, stuck in a trance. How could this tiny girl, make such an impact on such a large amount of people? When the little girl was finished, she ended in a bow and a beautiful smile. When the groups of people stumbled out of the small studio, everyone was talking about ‘The Girl In The Pink Costume.’ I couldn’t help but think that maybe one day, The Girl In the Pink Costume could change the world using movement and rhythm. Because sometimes, we find ourselves following the beat of one drum, and it could just as well be hers.

I’m cuddled up at my desk in my room. Yes, I have a room. It’s warm and whenever it rains its always dry. I sleep in a comfortable bed. I have food filling the fridge and don’t forget about the cupboard. I have clothes in my wardrobe. Clothes that someone out there really needs, but we feel the need to change outfits every single day. While you’re sitting there eating a freshly cooked meal at a table, there are kids out there that have a grain of rice to eat. No table and no chair. I have fresh water whenever I please and a working shower to bath my skin after what I thought was a long day. My house is filled with things that someone out there needs right now, but we use once or twice. I go to school every day and I’m always being taught new things. I know what 2 plus 2 equals and how to spell the word telephone. Maybe next time you will actually think about their life, before you go complaining about yours.

“What was it like?” She whispered, being careful not to unfold information to the others around her. “What was what like?” I replied, confused.                                                                                                          

“You know… losing him?” She said, hesitant and unsure if her helpless friend would get angry or stay calm.                    

One million thoughts ran through her head. What was it really like? How would she describe it? How would she find the words to describe the moments where she thought her life was actually slipping through her fingers? How would she be able to tell of the way she picked herself up and realised it was she going to be okay? Was she upset? Was she okay? Is she meant to lie, or tell the honest truth? Finally an answer slipped out of her lips:

“It felt confusing. I’m holding it together though. I’m okay.” She smiled through her tears.                 

“You don’t seem okay anymore…” Said the only person who could actually read her.                          

“It’s just hard. Just to see them together, because even though he might only be holding her for a second, I know she’s still holding my entire world.”

Where Is She Now

Where is she now?

The one you wrapped in your arms,

And said you’d never let go.

The girl who told you all her secrets,

And made you promise to keep them.

Where is the girl that you said you loved?

It was all just a lie.

The girl that you were too embarrassed to tell your friends about,

The one that thought she actually meant something to you.

Once again, you’ve played her like a drum and she danced to your beat,

Until she fell down.

And this time she’s fallen hard.

So hard she hit her head and wants someone to come and pick her up again.

But this time, she will choose carefully.

And she’s not choosing you.

Maybe you’ll turn out to be the best thing she never had.